Good Morning, my home it quite at this time….. silence is nice once in a while, even though my thoughts are screaming the comfort of the ticking clock drowns them out. I’m on day 18! It has been a unique journey. I have found strength and praise Yah have overcome many many battles that threaten my point of doing this.
It is Sabbath day prep but before I hurry myself around getting things ready I am wanting to share a few things from this journey! I’m going to go back to day 2… What an extremely hard yet break through day!
Gabe needed to go to the city and we (Our 3 children and myself) went with him to do our monthly shopping beside getting all his items for his jobs. This was also the day that my dad went in for his Pacemaker, and Gabe let me know money would be so tight that we could only get stuff of extreme need because our food budget went down more. So lets just say I was trying not to be emotional, besides being hungry!! Well the first part of our morning went semi-well, yet the hustle and bustle of people shopping got a little unnerving. But it wasn’t until we got all my shopping done and had to finish up with Gabe’s that things started turning for the worst… an item that Gabe needed to get for his job did not exist but he was told it had and based his whole job on it (lets just say not fun!) So my poor Hubby had to rethink out his plan right there and that took an overwhelmingly amount of time, time that almost caused the momma of a 3, 2 and 1 year old to go MAD! Not to top it off with my dad’s surgery going a little long with few difficult things going on in his chest but also wanting to comfort my mom even though she was strong and full of complete peace! Right there in those agonizing 4 hours in this store, 2 of those hours being in the same isle… I was angry! In my mind I had quit my fast and Gabe was going to take me to a FINE dining establishment and I was going to eat to my hearts content, but where was Gabriel’s help meet? Where was the support and comfort he needed in his time of frustration and confusion? I finally helped him but it wasn’t with a loving heart!!! I can’t remember when it hit me (think leaving the parking lot and rest of the trip) but it finally hit me of my heart towards my husband. I was willing to cover my bitterness with food, comfort food, food that pretty much said oh I like you again Gabe. Please forgive my brutal honesty but it is true, FOOD food food food!! It was going to comfort me, make me better! How ugly, how pathetic? Oh super pathetic! In that moment of realizing I was crushed. Though Gabe would have probably never known it but I sat there amazed I had come this far! That I dealt with certain things by eating, I know I have had this thought before but It struck me even harder because I was on this fast… I could no longer rely on food to comfort me in my time of frustration or loneliness…. That I had to face these feelings abruptly! I couldn’t turn but go straight forward to the problem and either stew or face facts and repent. Praise YAHWEH, I repented! I saw a glimpse that I pray I never ever see again. I will say I still am asking Yah to help me understand all this, to help break the curse I put on myself. To break and burn the roots I have allowed to become rooted in my life. It has taken a lot to download all I feel He is showing me…. I don’t want to download and then put it in a file that gets neglected because I have so many other files that need cleaning out… So I ask for more of your prayers!!
Psa 61:2 From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Since day 2 I have come into many scripture about strength and shelter!! Praise Yahweh!!
Psa 62:2 He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.
Psa 62:5 My being, find rest in Elohim alone, Because my expectation is from Him.
Psa 62:6 He alone is my rock and my deliverance, my strong tower; I am not shaken.
I must end for now, for my home is buzzing with little feet and hungry bellies!! Yahweh bless and encourage you through your time of fasting or prayer or anything, that you too would find comfort.
Shalom!
Sady
<3
ReplyDelete