Dear Yahweh. I am weak today so in that I hope that that makes you strong in me...
I wish I could say these past few days have been easy, but I can not. They have been full of doubt and weakness. My body is exhausted and slow moving at times, I am still keeping on but oh there are moments that if I stop it overcomes me. I still am battling thoughts of food, but truly feel that is the enemies tactic plan to cloud the efforts I know Yahweh is teaching me and showing me in this path I walk. Food is not the enemy nor am I going to completely stop having a treat once in a while but I am going to have a plan, a goal, something that helps me stay within the accountability for me and my family and our health. I am the baker and chef (besides Gabe when he gets a chance) So I know I need to be wise in many of the decisions that comes into our cupboards! I will say during this time I have not stopped cooking or baking or experimenting with some really good and healthy foods. Which I am so excited about, I feel He is driving a huge desire to start now even though I do not eat the food being made. HalleluYAH!! It hasn't been hard sitting here and watching my family eat and enjoy what I make which blesses me and encourages me because our table time is special and means alot to be all together, we not only eat but we read scriptures and pray!
One thing that seems to be a big thing right now is finding out more about how it is not the weight we fight but it is the hurt and insecurities that dwell within our hearts and the depths of our being. Weather it be from childhood (which is where some of mine stems from) or young adulthood or here recently. I am seeing a lot of my choices are do to the fact I picked up someone else habits and made them my own. Where they had found comfort I found comfort yet really not knowing why I needed comfort. I put my emotions in food and found it to make me feel better instead of truly putting my hurts and frustrations in Yahweh's hand.
Mat 11:28 “Come to Me, all you who labour and are burdened, and I shall give you rest.
Mat 11:29 “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am meek and humble in heart, and you shall find rest for your beings.
Mat 11:30 “For My yoke is gentle and My burden is light.”
Hmm... HalleluYah! Think about those words and read it over a few more times. especially in that last verse, verse 30 "for My yoke is gentle and My burden is light". His burden and yoke are not like those of food, smoking, drinking, porn, abuse, yelling and and and the list could go on. See we get ourselves in traps and snares when we allow things around us to comfort our problem instead of facing it. Truly these 32 days I have had no place to hide, no place to console my weary state, no place to indulge in my time of stress. There was one moment I count as a victory when I was about to LOSE MY NERVE!! I was about to blow, I felt hungry, tired, worn out, stressed... I wanted to quit and indulge. He grab my thoughts made me go into my laundry room with the lights off and just sit in stillness.
Psa 4:4 Tremble, and do not sin. Speak within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah.
I felt as though I was sitting in the shadow of His wings.
Psa 91:1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High, Who abides under the shadow of the Almighty,
Psa 91:2 He is saying of יהוה, “My refuge and my stronghold, My Elohim, in whom I trust!”
Psa 91:3 For He delivers you from the snare of a trapper, From the destructive pestilence.
Psa 91:4 He covers you with His feathers, And under His wings you take refuge; His truth is a shield and armour.
What a moment for me!! Really!!! I mean I didn't blow, I didn't give in and I finally let go, and you know what He was there.... He was there holding my hand and saying there is another way to do things. He showed me that I don't need all the extra that just clouds and hides my true heart from Him. whew... sigh. Even now it amazes me, that in my WEAKNESS He was made strong, I feel I have some what of a grasp on what that scripture really means. Not to say there won't be moments but to say that I know NOW there is a better way and it is a path I desire to take 100% of the time.
2Co 12:9 And He said to me, “My favour is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, then, I shall rather boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Messiah rests on me.
2Co 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in weaknesses, in insults, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for the sake of Messiah. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
This fast is not to lose weight. I did not begin this fast so I could lose weight, though it is a perk to what I am going through it is also a reminder that it goes much deeper. I encourage and put a disclaimer on fasting... if you are doing it to lose weight... don't do it, because I feel it could cause anyone to become caught up in something that is not healthy nor good for you both mentally and physically. But please if anyone does desire to fast please make sure it is of Yahweh, make sure you are doing it to change your heart and to desire a closer walk with Him! This fast began because of some things going on in my life, my families and my friends. I could have not done this on my own.. I know that because I have tried!! Oh how I have tried... But this new season has proved that Yahweh was awakening me both mentally, physically and spiritually! HalleluYAH! how I have truly needed it... It has been a long time coming, a stirring within me so great that it couldn't be ignored.
So writing this to you I feel encouraged though I do still feel very weak. I am learning to take every moment and thrive. Not that that is easy! But I will continue only a few more days.... until next time Yahweh Bless and may you be encouraged.
Sady
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